C-Section Birth Stories: Brittany Gancarz

1. Briefly, please share the circumstances that led to your c-section birth(s):

I went in for an induction the day before my due date. It was an entirely elective induction and I can't quite say why I chose this, other than that I wanted to meet my baby and it felt right. They gave me all the medicine and the cervical ripening gear and we went through it for about 30 hours. My cervix was closed (but soft! This become a bit of a joke to me since it had been that way from 36 weeks on. That was very exciting at 36 weeks but by induction day "Closed (but soft!)" made me roll my eyes a bit!) when we started at 7 a.m. Monday morning and I had gotten to 6 centimeters at noon on Tuesday.

My doctor checked me again at 2 p.m. and I was still at 6 centimeters. At that point, he said the answer to my question of "What's next?" was to wait another two hours and see if there had been any change. There was this point then where I knew I could let him walk out of the room without discussing the other option (a c-section), and I looked at him and said, "I'm starting to lose it." So we discussed the option of having a c-section and that's what we decided was best for me. In my mind, it became clear that I couldn't make the choice between having a c-section or vaginal birth: I could have the c-section then or wait. Waiting could have brought a change - I could have been 7 centimeters! Or 8 centimeters! - but I didn't need to be 7 or 8 centimeters, I needed to be 10, and then I needed to push the baby out. So it started to seem like even "good news" in a few hours would have been insufficient, and there was the potential for bad news in a few hours - no change, in which case we'd be in the case scenario, two hours later.

It was 2:30 p.m. when we decided to do surgery, and my beautiful son, David Micah, was born at 3:17 p.m. He was 8 pounds and 5 ounces, which is quite a bit larger than I or anyone else was expecting! When my doctor lifted him up over the curtain, that first sight of him was more than I ever imagined it would be! He was so beautiful! They took David to be cleaned off and assessed and then my husband brought him to me. I got to see David and kiss him and hold our cheeks together. I still love to press my cheek against his. My husband and David left while the doctors closed me and then they brought me back to my Labor & Delivery room to recover. I did skin to skin with David, which is the happiest I've ever been.

2. What surprised you the most about having a c-section?:

So much! I was surprised at how hard the decision was for me to make. During my pregnancy, I had thought a lot about all the ways to give birth and I felt really comfortable and open to the option of having a c-section if it was called for. It was a really hard decision to make, though - I wasn't sure whether I had tried long enough or hard enough, and even when my husband and I decided to go forward with it, I felt like a quitter. When they rolled me down the hall to go to the operating room, I felt so ashamed of myself that I didn't want to look at anyone. I never would have guessed I would have felt that way.

After David was born, I had a hard time with having a c-section, much more than I ever would have thought. I'd tell myself there was no easy way out and that there are risks to vaginal deliveries, as well, which I had now dodged. When I'd pee, I'd think, "Doesn't this feel great? It wouldn't feel so great if you'd had a vaginal delivery!" But then I would have these thoughts like, "I'm never going to have a vaginal delivery. I'm never going to spontaneously go into labor," and my lip would start to quiver. I'd think, "I can't believe I had to have a c-section. I failed. I quit." David had done really, really well during my induction - his heart tracings were perfect, everyone said so - and I started to wonder if I'd let him down.

I was very involved in all the decision-making about my birth. My doctor is really great at "shared decision making" - laying out all the information and options with his expert opinion and helping me make the best decision for me without actually deciding for me. After my birth, I started to dissect all the decisions I'd made and wonder if they were right or not. Some of the things people say to comfort you after having a c-section just didn't apply me, at least not at the time when I chose to have my c-section - at that time, it didn't save my life, it didn't save my baby's life, we didn't "have" to do it then. I felt like I had no one to blame but myself.

Those feelings were really hard, of course, but what made them especially difficult was how unexpected they were. I hadn't wanted a birth plan prior to having my baby (other than, yes, I definitely want an epidural). Whatever unfolded, I wanted to own it and be happy about it. It took a lot more emotional work (thinking, talking, journaling) for me to get there than I thought. I feel like I am there now - I am very happy with the birth of my son and am at the point where I wouldn't want it to have gone any other way.

3. What kind of support do you feel you received (from friends, family, healthcare team) after your c-section(s)?:

My best support came from my husband, Jim. One other thing that surprised me about the birth of our son is how much more I love my husband now. I think c-section dads are extra-special. My husband did everything for us. He slept with Dave's bassinet right next to him so he could get up with him every time and bring him to me. When David needed his diaper changed for the first time, Jim jumped right in, prompting the nurse to say, "Have you ever changed a diaper before? You got right in there!" (He had not!) Jim dried my legs and ankles after my showers because I couldn't bend over. He also listened to all my big feelings about my c-section and supported me throughout it all.

I can't say enough wonderful things about my doctor and my nurse. They supported us in every way and gave us a wonderful and safe experience. My doctor also debriefed with me a lot and it made me feel much better. I had to see him for follow up a week after I was discharged because of high blood pressure, and it ended up being a surprising gift because it let me talk with him about how it all went. That was really helpful, and I'd recommend it if anyone is having a hard time processing what happened (and if you like and trust the doctor).

We also have wonderful family and friends who provided us so much support just for having a new baby in general. There was a lot of food-based support and emotional support from those closest to us. That definitely made my c-section recovery easier. Empathy from other c-section moms was definitely comforting, and I'm glad I found this group on social media, as well. This group was really fitting for me because the positivity really resonated with me. So much of the social-media birth space is about unmedicated vaginal births and how c-sections are to be avoided at every cost, and a lot of the c-section attention on social media is about birth trauma and horrible experiences with c-sections. I think one of the first posts I saw on C-Section Strong™ was "Don't let anyone else tell you what kind of birth experience you had." And I was like YES!!!

4. What’s your #1 piece of advice/encouragement for a new c-section mom?:

Let yourself feel all the feelings, negative or positive, some combination of the two. I feel really positive about my c-section now, and I think I feel that way because I let myself feel my sad feelings in the beginning and work through them instead of pushing them away. Also, if you do feel good about your c-section in any way, or choose to have one, don't feel bad about that or let anyone else make you feel bad about it.

5. How do you believe having a c-section birth(s) made you stronger?:

It brought me my son, and with him brought me more love than I've ever known. In the physical and emotional things I went through, it taught me that I can do hard things. When I got to the point of feeling positive and owning the experience, I felt like I was able to understand how my birth fit with my son, husband, and me, and that made me feel more fully myself.

Name: Brittany Gancarz

Your Profession: Genetic counselor

How to Connect With You on Social Media: @smittlynn on Instagram