C-Section Birth Stories: Cate Risell

1. Please share the circumstances that led to your c-section birth(s):

I went into labor early the morning of Wednesday, May 6th, 2020. I spent most of the day laboring at home as my contractions weren’t frequent enough to dilate my cervix, but around 5 pm that evening, they started to pick up. My husband and I went to the hospital only to be sent home. Even though they were strong contractions, they weren’t going to get the job done. I took some Benadryl to try to sleep since I hadn’t gotten any rest (doctor’s orders), but that didn’t last very long. By 11 pm, my contractions were in full swing and I vomited twice. I was finally admitted shortly after midnight. I received my epidural around 5:30 am (my first anesthesiologist said I had the best posture for receiving the needle!). Shortly after that, my OB came to check my cervix and asked if I wanted her to break my water for me. I said yes. That’s when everything went downhill. My son’s heart rate plummeted. I had a team of nurses moving me every which way to get his heart rate back up. They quickly inserted my catheter and began to prep me for surgery until his heart rate recovered. I was allowed to rest/labor as I wanted to. Around 9 am, his heart rate dropped again. This time I had a nurse who was zero help in moving me. We got his heart rate back up again, but after this point, my new OB (shift changed had happened) wanted us to consider a c-section. My husband and I tossed the idea around a bit. My biggest concern was that I wanted to be awake; the idea of general anesthesia really scared me. My husband’s concern was my recovery from major surgery. My OB was unavailable to answer our questions (she was rounding on other patients) so we were stuck with the nurse who barely helped to move me. We asked her that if we waited and tried Pitocin (they had given me a magnesium drip when my son’s heart rate dropped the first time so my labor had stalled out), would I be put under general anesthesia, considering I had already had my epidural. She said no. At this point, my son’s heart rate was dipping after each contraction. My OB returned to check on me. She said she had one more idea to try - she attempted to move my baby in case he was lying on his cord. That failed. His heart rate fell so quickly. At one point it didn’t register on the monitor. They quickly packed me up and began rolling me down to the operating room, without my husband, and me fighting the new anesthesiologist tooth and nail that I in fact had received my epidural. My original OB who had been with me through the first round of decelerations was still in the hospital in a meeting. She raced upstairs to scrub in. Right before they put the drape up, she came to the head of the surgical table, grabbed my hand, and said “I’m here. His heart rate is back up. I’ve got *him*. I’ve got *you.*” After that, the drape went up and I went to sleep. The next thing I knew I was waking up to nurses telling me I had a little boy with a full head of red hair.

2. What surprised you the most about having a c-section?:

That I was knocked out! I honestly didn’t think that was a common practice anymore, but here we are. I also was surprised at my rate of recovery. Physically, I recovered much faster than I expected. Mentally, I’m still working on it. The whole experience was quite traumatic and there are days I still feel like a failure or I become jealous of other women’s birth experiences. It hurts to see pictures of other women cradling their freshly born babies to their chests. I didn’t get to hold my baby until he was three hours old. I didn’t even get to hear his first cry.

3. What kind of support do you feel you received (from friends, family, healthcare team) after your c-section(s)?:

The day after my son was born, I had the *best* nurse. When I was finally able to go to the bathroom on my own, I was shocked by how cold the room was. It actually sent me into a mini-shock. I started shaking and hysterically crying on the toilet. My nurse that day helped me up, got me back into bed, took my hands, and said: “You had an ordeal. You are famous on the floor for having an emergency c-section called TWICE. If you need to cry, go ahead and cry.” She gave me the space to mourn the birth experience I didn’t get to have. I had no idea how badly I needed that.

My family and my husband took care of *everything*. I wasn’t allowed to lift a finger. When I did, they’d scold me to go rest. It was very hard those first few weeks to let people help me. I’m very independent so I needed constant reminders that it was ok to let people help me.

My husband has been a huge help in my mental recovery from all of this. He gives me the space to cry or to be angry. He let me reprogram the noise selections on the white noise machine (he unknowingly selected the heartbeat one thinking it would be soothing to our baby, except all it did was trigger PTSD in me and memories of his little heart rate plummeting). He constantly reminds me that I’m good at this. He is my rock.

4. What’s your #1 piece of advice/encouragement for a new c-section mom?:

I read somewhere: “A c-section requires courage. It is a show of bravery, sacrifice, and mothering in its purest form. It’s the willingness to lay your body down and risk your life so that your child might be born; so that your child might live.” You’re not a failure. You’re not a bad mother. You didn’t take the easy way out. You had your first test in motherhood and you passed with flying colors.

5. How do you believe having a c-section birth(s) made you stronger?:

I feel like I could conquer anything life and motherhood have to throw at me. I have stared down infertility, pregnancy and delivery during a pandemic, a very scary birth, and the trials of breastfeeding a tongue-tied baby (which lead to exclusive pumping but that’s a story for another day). There is nothing God can put in front of me that I can’t handle.

Name: Cate Risell

Your Profession: Interior Designer

How to Connect With You on Social Media: @catej22 on Instagram